WELCOME!

Welcome!

Like the title says, to my blog! This is a place to share my thoughts and release the stress that I go through daily. Teenagers need things like this, an outlet for their feelings… Iactually made my first blog in another location, but decided to move it when I realised I had no real privacy to write my thoughts (family members and friends of my parents had discovered my blog). So this time, I’m going to keep this on the down low. No one, but my closest and most trusted friends are to view this site and of course all the anonymous people out there. ^^

To stray from the usual boring diary type blog, I’m going to add other stuff like free downloads (Yaoi,kpop,jpop and videos) and also K-pop and J-pop news. Of course, I’m not going to post every little bit of news that I read, just a few that catch my eye….

To be honest, I have no idea how I am going to maintain this blog next year. I’m going to be sitting for an important examination next year that could define my future, so… I might be MIA for months at a time. This is just a heads up…

On this blog, you will also find one of my favourite pastimes, my fiction and fanfiction. I love to write and I love knowing that people read what I write! XD It’s also kind of a love hate relationship. It’s annoying when I have to push myself to finish the next chapter all the time… -.- It stresses me out…

Yours,

Chibeh

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LINKIES

DOWNLOAD

To download kpop albums for free please go here.

Don’t worry it’s not a virus or anything~ It’s a link to my Plunder page~ XD

Omg fuck

Fuck… My annoying ‘not a morning person’ self came out again today… I miss the old manager who was wayyyy better at handling me… This other guy is bugging me to bits.. It’s not that I dont like him or anything.. He just doesnt know how to talk to me and I dont know how to talk to him… == it just makes me want to quit… But I can’t.. Since I just got my employee card last Friday… Quitting just doesn’t seem to be the beat option now.. I’m going to do it next year… == after my goddamn break..

I’m so exhausted.. Partly my fault cause I stayed up late watching Mijonju talk and rant about cameras… But he just makes the morning even more of a drag then it usually is for me… I have that uncomfortable lump in my stomach.. You know the feeling when you want to puke but can’t?? Yeah.. That’s how I feel right about now..

Even smacking duck butt’s butt doesn’t put me at ease anymore.. It like lasted 5 seconds before I had to pull myself together and smile for the customers.. I’ve been making so many mistakes today too… I just wanna run somewhere and hide. == damn the weekdays… Seriously…

I’m not even hungry and I’m forced to go on break.. And I can’t even act cute with the fucking guy cause he’s just…. HIM! == I am so annoyed… FUCK…. FUCK! FUCK!

Part Time Jobs and Final Cut Pro

Okay… Update…

Recently… I just started working at Starbucks as a part timer.. Yesterday was my very first day and everything was fine… Until I woke up this morning with a cramp in pretty much every joint in my body… ==

The experience was worth it though… Learnt a lot of staff… Met new people… Gained a new appreciation for the working class… Being a barista is not what I thought it would be… I hope I can do my best..

Apart from the job, I have another job as well… My job as a student… == I don’t know whether my decision to start working would be the end of me.. I have a bunch of assignments to complete and not enough time to do it.. :/ I have completed one.. Somewhat.. But there are another 5 waiting in line… All require a large amount of my time… I don’t want to stop working cause I dont want to seem indecisive and I don’t want people to think that I easily give up…

So when I get back, I always do my best and start doing my assignments but I always end up distracted by Star Trek… Yes… I’m watching Star Trek… So sue me :p Its a nice show… :3

Honestly… If it were up to me… Id just quit school and start working… :3 but of course its not up to me.. == dammit

I’m currently in the middle of design media class using the macs to edit a video… == I hate this kind of work… The actors sucked and the story is boring… :/ and the scenes are inconsistent.. They need to get a new actress… Lol

On babies

:3 recently… My youngest nephew has grown a whole lot since I last saw him… I still remember when he was still too weak to hold up his head or even make noises… Now he likes to make fart sounds and can basically crawl… O.o he’s gotten cuter too.. And my apprehension of carrying him is slowly going away… I’m still afraid of newborns and babies.. But toddlers I can handle… :3 they’re strong enough to withstand a bump on the head and rambunctious enough to crawl and grab everything.. :3 this is basically my favorite stage of the growing up process…

I wanna go back to my childhood and watch myself.. I’d probably be a lot like him… As drooly and as wide-eyed.. :3

Starbucks <3

Is it okay?

Is it okay? Is it okay?

:3 lol a direct translation of one of my fave Japanese songs… It’s by the Radwimps… Somehow listening to it over and over again just makes me wanna find someone and tell them I love them… Haha!

I’m sure I’d either be slapped or sent to a mental institution… XD

Inspiration: RADWIMPS – Iin desu ka?

Doppleganger

:3 it’s confirmed…

There is this one guy in my program that look like 2PM’s Jang Wooyoung… XDDDD I want to paste his and Wooyoung’s picture side by side here, but I’m afraid that’s a little bit too stalkery… :p even for me…

His name is Melvin Shawn… :3 although he has thicker lips than Wooyoung, they both have matching droopy eyes and an innocent look… XD

O.o something is wrong

I don’t know what it was… But this moment today is the second time I have experienced it.. This weird swaying feeling, like the ground is rocking lightly… O.o I experienced it in my room the last time too.. At the Taylor’s Lakeside Hostel… I thought probably it was just my senses going out of whack, but I swear I saw the water in my water bottle start moving too…

I honestly don’t feel safe in this hostel anymore…

Is it possible to feel seismic shockwaves all the way here from Indonesia? O.o the last time it happened, people said they could feel their houses swaying lightly here as well…

But that was only one time when the earthquake was really strong… == shit this is scaring me…

:3 awww

I don’t know what it is about two guys in business clothes walking down the boulevard that makes me giggle… :3 maybe it’s because I’m a fan of yaoi and these two guys seriously look like an uke and a seme! :3

Shit… They look so cute next to each other… And the guy who looked like the uke has log eyelashes! Wtf! XDDDDD -squeals inwardly- damn they would make a good story… -snickers to self-

Of Marxism and Starbucks

No.

This is not going to be a post about Marxist theories or Marxist ideologies. This post is just a rant. As many of my other posts have been. :3

 

[Picture taken from marxists.org]

 

Today… The social stratifications discussed by Karl Marx have been bouncing around in my head. Mostly because I have to read about his views on social stratification. Darned assignments are making my head spin. I have an assignment due next Friday and a presentation due on the same day.. Another assignment, or rather a test, is due on Wednesday the following week and another assignment is due the week after that. =.= Please make it stop…

My hectic timetable and lack of free time is starting to show… I seriously can’t find time to have fun and most of the time I feel like I need to read the handouts or printouts, because otherwise, I’ll start feeling guilty…

WHO THE HECK FEELS GUILTY FOR NOT READING HOMEWORK?!

Apparently me.

I have to look for an article about Wikileaks and analyze it for discourses, hegemony and shit as well… GOD HELP ME NOW! If only I believe that there is a God… Cause if there is I’m sure he’s rolling around on the floor somewhere up in the cosmos while all of us are suffering down here….

At least I’m not alone in this struggle… I have people suffering beside me. After all, misery does love company. Whoever thought of that should get a nobel prize… Isn’t that a form of rhetorics? Because that quote has become a norm, people are convinced that it is true therefore it is. Am I making sense?

Never mind.

Rambling anyway.

It’s been so long since I last updated. I miss the easy to navigate interface of wordpress… Blogger should have shit like this…. Did you know that I have to create a blog and write about blogging… How fun… Now if only it were true (the fun part not the assignment).

I think it’s clear from my post what kind of state of mind I am in… O.O

An unstable one.

Next ramble please!

Its been so long

It’s been so long since I have written a blog post… I hope that I will continue to write more in the future…. A lot of things have happened since my last post but they’re not exciting… == in fact not many things in my life are necessarily exciting.. It’s dull… Which consequently, makes for a dull individual…

Honestly I think I’ve aged like 10 years…. == even the way I write and talk lacks that ‘young’ and ‘innocent’ feel that it did before…

What the hell has the world done to the easygoing me? It probably slaughtered it in my sleep, when I was least expecting… :/ anywho…. Shit has happened… And I don’t mean it in a bad sense… What I mean when I say ‘shit’ has happened is just to show that diddly squat has happened… Nothing relatively significant has taken place… I am me and the the world is the same as it has always been; constantly changing and leaving me behind…

Damn I feel so emo…

In the midst of everything

I’m supposed to be writing an assignment for my Effective Communication class that’s due on Monday right now. And yet, I’m struck with a bout of laziness… I can’t seem to concentrate long enough to read the paper. The Word Document program left open with the paragraphs of half written ideas just stares back at me, taunting me.

I recently read an article about grades, and how much they’ve taken over our lives. I guess this holds true to many student, be they in college, university or high school and elementary. Or maybe it’s just been me? Grades have been ruling my life ever since I was old enough to go to school. I remember studying so hard so that I could get a perfect score on a test, I was 5 and in kindergarten… I brought this mindset of mine all the way to high school. Where unfortunately, I traded this mindset for one that was a little more laid back… I remember envying those who did not care what grade they got in tests, those who did not worry about getting their homework done and those who did not worry about missing a day’s worth of class…

My mother is a teacher… Which is why I’m a little obsessive when it comes to grades. I don’t wan to do the assignment and yet, I end up doing it anyway, cause I can’t bear the thought of not having completed a task that was set out for me… Maybe I was considering my future? The money my parents had spent just to send me here to study? Or maybe… I just don’t like to fail?

It is true that I hate failing, I hate being compared to people who are better than me at everything… And when I say everything, I mean everything. Occasionally though I do meet someone worse off than me, who gives me a boost of confidence. Is this arrogance? Maybe being human means you need to look down on others to boost yourself up. After all, there’s never a short supply of losers who are even bigger losers than yourself in the world.

Anyway, I’m ranting… I need to clear my mind. The epiphany, that wasn’t an epiphany keeps rearing its ugly head. Not only in my thoughts but daily conversations as well… :/ Can it really be called an epiphany then? Maybe it should be called a realization…

What was this epiphany? It was many things… Let me talk about one that keeps biting back at me the most… You see… I don’t like myself… And I don’t see what people see in me… I’m not what they say I am… and I don’t even have the heart to tell them the truth… People don’t like hearing the truth… Even if they are unconsciously craving for it…  I have a problem with myself… How I act, how I think, how I talk, laugh, eat, walk, write… EVERYTHING… Although I hate these things about myself, I can’t seem to get myself to change… I hang from every word that comes out of everyone’s mouth. i’m self-conscious and yet I make bad comments about people who are self-conscious… :/ And I’m not the only one who does this…

Does everyone basically hate themselves?!

Some are more honest about it than others, there are those who work hard to change themselves as well…. :/

I forgot my point… Anyway… I need to get back to my assignments… .

Boooo…. =.=

The Reason [Rant]

Okay…. So I haven’t been updating or posting anything for a very long time… :/ there’s a reason for that… You see, my blog, the one I’m updating at this moment, is apparently flagged as inappropriate, or rather the content of my blog is inappropriate…. =.= So I could never access my blog through the wireless network in university because it blocks any “inappropriate” material from being viewed at university….

In case you’re wondering…  Inappropriate in the context I’m speaking of basically means porn and shit… Apparently my site has porn on it… I didn’t know that… I wasn’t aware of that at all… Sure there are yaoi links and stuff but they’re not inappropriate… It’s not like I have pictures of anime guys going at it as my background… =.= So what’s the fucking deal?!

Anyway…

These past few weeks have been a nightmare for me…  I’ve been extremely busy with all the school work (assignments) that they (my lecturers) have handed out… My course requires a lot of reading… A skill of mine that is quite rusty… I can’t seem to pay attention for longer than 10 minutes to a written passage… I don’t know what happened to my attention span, but apparently it decided to leave me and go off gallivanting  somewhere.

Now I’m stuck with less than a quarter of my original attention span…. Great…

But so far my course has been interesting… There are a lot of interesting people, different people and just regular people… :3 Some who are nice, others who are not so nice. My course seriously challenges  your ethics and morals… You might be required to cut your new good friend from your group because you know she sucks at doing work.. You need to make sacrifices for your grade….

Or at least, that’s how some people think… I on the other hand, live by loyalty… I stick to one person and would never betray them. Well… Not as badly as some people would at least… :/ I can’t stand the thought of leaving someone behind, especially someone that you think of as a friend… I don’t understand how some people make that decision. Don’t they worry about what would happen later? You might lose a good friend. o.o

I’ve met soooooo many different people in the time I’ve spent here. More than I probably have met in Sunway… Maybe it’s because I mix better here? In Sunway it was pretty much the same couple of people I hang out with… Here its a different story… Did I grow up? Or did some social switch just got turned on inside my head? Seems like I’m starting to find myself… More than I ever had in college or high school… Is that a good thing?

Maybe I’m just getting old?

Maybe it’s the course… We’re being taught how to be critical thinkers… Maybe that’s why I’m analyzing my situation a little too closely… Maybe… So many maybes…

:3